In the past three weeks I have transformed from a mother of two girls (born within 15 months of one another) and a hopeful PhD applicant to a mother of three girls under three years old (well, technically, three under 31 months...but who's counting?) and an actual PhD candidate, and I should be excited...at least a little bit in between the exhaustion, the fear of how the family will survive financially and questioning whether I will make it through without becoming someone else's "star client" over the next five years...right? And though I do feel a twinge of pride for making it through the application and interview process for at least one (maybe two--still waiting to hear from one school) program...all I really feel is disbelief.
Let me be clear, I kind of chose to apply on a whim--not that I didn't want to get into a doctoral program eventually, but I had never really thought I would do it so young...nor did I ever really picture it in psychology...that seemed unreachable, too lofty, maybe. Then when I applied, I realized no real research would be harmful and had pretty much written myself out, at least for this year--which I rationalized would be okay...it would give me time to spend with my growing and very young family. BUT it is real...and I am signing away at least five years of my life to difficult classes, free hours counseling in practicum settings, and more loans. I can't help but jump straight past excited and right into worried; worried that this will not be worth it, worried that I can't hack doctoral school, worried that I won't be able to effectively balance school and family for another five years (I have fairly successfully for three, but it was masters level work), etc., etc., etc.
So....please join me on this journey. My hope is that I can gain some valuable insight (and maybe some tricks) in navigating a doctoral program and all its requirements not only effectively but well while also continuing to be an exceptional mother (and a passable wife-- ;) we can't have it all!)