It has been nearly a year since I last wrote in this blog.
I would be stretching the truth if I said I haven't had time. Time has been tight...really tight, actually, but not so tight that I could't take half an hour to write.
The truth is, I haven't wanted to.
I really, really wanted to keep up and keep you all up to date on everything. To be encouraging and witty and grateful for every challenge I have faced and overcome.
But, I did not want to process those challenges and pull out that wittiness or gratefulness. It felt like so. much. work! I have been bottling and numbing tough emotions my entire life, shying from actually facing and processing difficult experiences. The hecticness of this past year tied with the loss of my brother nearly two years ago has just compounded the desire to hide under a rock and let things pass me by.
I don't have a happy ending to this. In fact, this short blog post is my way of sticking my head, just incrementally, out from under my "no tough feelings" rock.
So, hello world. Hello readers. If you found this you probably already know life raising kids, going to school, or both is awfully tough. And scary. All-encompassing and draining. And, sometimes you just want to hide. To quit for awhile. To allow ignorant bliss to take over your worry and your knowledge of what's waiting for you in the following semester or when you open to door to a room n which your children have been playing quietly (together) for far too long. What you may not know is that eventually....ever so slowly....you will be willing to venture back into it all. To face the challenges head on without the fear and the hope for ignorance (well at least not as often.) You will be willing to come out from under your rock...it may take hours or days...or, like me, a year or more. And you may actually be stronger for it. You may find you needed that time for self preservation and protection and that you can take more now than you thought possible before. Hello again friends and I hope to see you again, the next time we both have the courage and strength to come out from under our "no tough feelings" rocks!