There's a theory that was discussed in the November issue of GradPSYCH focused on the Imposter Phenomenon that fit me to a "T". In fact, I took the online rating scale, offered at www.apa.org/gradPSYCH/digital/imposter.aspx (click on the circled triangle next to the smiley face to take the assessment yourself) and scored a whopping 93--a score of 80 or higher is considered displaying such extreme characteristics of Imposter Phenomenon that it likely interferes with your everyday life.
Is it hard to admit to yourself that you may not be able to do any better than you currently are? Have you ever struggled with accepting praise? Do you ever feel like one of your successes was a fluke and there's no way you could replicate it? If you answered yes to these, you may also experience feelings related to the Imposter Phenomenon.
This phenomenon, considered a very specific form of self doubt, suggests that there are individual's who experience success but are unable to internalize and accept these successes. In these cases, the individual's feel they got as far as they have due to luck and that at any moment someone will unmask them as a fraud. Dr. Suzanne Imes suggests that in today's society there can be confusion between worthiness of love and approval, making individuals believe self-worth is contingent upon achievement.
Additionally, it has been suggested that this phenomenon tends to be more common in individual's embarking on a new endeavor as well as more pronounced in individuals differing in any significant way from the majority of ones peers (such as race, gender, or sexual orientation.)
I've always had a propensity towards feeling like a fraud. I always felt that I didn't deserve the grades I got, because I didn't study like I should have, or I didn't really understand that topic, I just guessed. However, add to this predisposition the fact I have just recently entered the world of motherhood and the world of doctoral studies and you find me squarely within the two areas in which individuals tend to experience more Imposter Phenomenon characteristics--new endeavors and being markedly different from my peers.
And, it's not that my peers treat me any differently or are really all that different from me...it just makes me feel more "other" in my own head. I tell myself I am different. I tell myself I can't reach the same levels in research and academics as them because I am a fraud, I mean, I can't really be a full time student and a full time mom at the same time, can I?
Then....I feel like a fraud at home. I can't properly manage my daughters screaming temper tantrums. I lose my temper far more often than I would like. I know yelling at children can cause emotional damage and yet, sometimes, I can't help myself. Not only do I suck at this parenting thing, I chastise myself, but I also can't even apply my professional knowledge to the situation.
I recently had a friend tell me that she didn't "know anyone else who can handle the responsibility you do with the grace and poise that you handle it with" and my first thought was, "Ha, if only she knew." I shared with my husband that I feel like screaming when people ask me how I do it or comment on how I've "got it all together" because they can't see the scotch tape and wet glue I actually have holding it together (or, if we want to be literal, sleepless nights, plagues of doubt, and bribes of treats to get my kids to behave on the required weekly grocery outings).
It's nice to know I'm not alone in these feelings. To know that it is a somewhat "normal" occurrence...well, at least normal enough to be considered a phenomenon and not a debilitating disability.
The thing that's not so nice is dealing with it. I want to be proud of my accomplishments, I want to recognize my hard work and accept praise that I so truly deserve. I want to see the positives in my own life. I can see it all intellectually--my grades, my ambition, my abilities, my strengths, my potential, and most of all the strong, intelligent, beautiful girls I'm having such a large hand in raising...but in the day to day, in the here and now, I often see only my weaknesses, my failures, my inabilities and the tantrums, the "I hate you"s, the fighting. When someone points out a strength or a success, I immediately and automatically respond with, yeah, but, look at this weakness or this failure. I realize I'm doing myself a disservice...but, I'm not really sure how to turn around this way of viewing myself.
The article had a few tips--Talk to your mentors, Remember what you do well, Realize no one is perfect, Change your Thinking, and Talk to someone who can help.
So...here is my tip by tip plan for shaking the imposter phenomenon and being able to live happily within my own successes.
Tip 1: Talk to your Mentors: Begin the search for a mentor--someone not in my program as I wouldn't want to discuss in depth these feelings and worries with a professor who may have me in a future class. Someone I trust to tell it to me straight, so to speak, and highlight both areas to work on and strengths so I don't feel as if the strengths are just bs to make me feel better about myself.
Tip 2: Recognize your expertise: Try to work out my schedule so I can work with the intro to counseling techniques masters level class, allowing me to share my experience and skills with those who have yet to develop them. Attempt to share experience with those Scholars in my graduate assistantship department who are interested in applying to psychology graduate school.
Tip 3: Remember what you do well: List things I do well and areas that legitimately need work, but never allow the areas for work list exceed the do well list. Start now! Three things I do well are build rapport with adolescent clients, acknowledge and name my own feelings, manage the "no"s my two year old so thoroughly enjoys employing at this stage of her development.
Tip 4: Realize no one is perfect: This one I've tricked myself into believing I don't need--I always tell myself "It is what it is" and I did it "well enough" but the truth is, I don't really believe either of those. It is what I make it and well enough doesn't get a 4.0 or develop children to their fullest potentials. I never thought of myself as a perfectionist, but when I look at it this way, maybe I am. It will be a long hard struggle for me to accept this one...but I can work on being more grateful for the successes I encounter.
Tip 5: Change your Thinking: This is about reframing. I need to realize that though I play a large role in my girls' lives, other people are also helping to shape them, so if I'm not the perfect mom at all times it will be okay, they will be okay. (That sentence was actually difficult to write...it's so hard for me to even view myself as not attempting to do the best I possibly can at all times).
Tip 6: Talk to Someone who can help: This is an option that I may utilize if I begin to experience the feelings of anxiety or depression typical to individuals attempting to manage intense feelings of Imposter Phenomenon. Though, I will continue to employ my cohort, my husband, my friends, and my family to ward off these feelings and to help me stay grounded in my successes instead of clouded by my failures.
Have you ever dealt with feelings of Imposter Phenomenon? How did you manage them?
References
Weir, Kirsten. (2013). Feel like a fraud? gradPSYCH, 11(4), 24-27.
I scored a 66, which seems about right. I have a hard time giving myself credit for my success but I am working on (and have been successful) in fighting off some of the more severe imposter syndrome symptoms.
ReplyDeleteI think your plan is really solid. Talking to mentors is very important, and reading this (and the linked article) made me realize that now that I am in a new job and in a new place, I need to make sure I deliberately cultivate mentors in my new environment (in addition to keeping touch with ones from the past). My mentor at my last job was my biggest advocate and cheerleader, and her repeated support and encouragement and praise really helped keep some of the imposter syndrome feelings at bay.
Another thing I personally find helpful is collaborating with colleagues. It's fantastic professional development, it's fun, I learn from others, and I usually end up feeling proud of my contributions. It reminds me of what I'm good at and provides validation.
Melissa, thank you for sharing your experiences with mentors and collaborating with colleagues and how these experiences have helped to reduce some of your more sever imposter syndrome symptoms. It certainly gives me hope. I wonder, were you assigned your mentor? And, if not, how did you build that relationship?
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