Well...I survived the time leading up to and into spring break as well as spring break and the professional conference. What I haven't been able to do is recover. I am EXHAUSTED! It seems to be just one crazy time into another into another with no break time. I should probably do my best to get used to this feeling as adding another baby and a 20 hour a week practicum (basically unpaid internship) to the mix isn't going to do much to increase my nap time or lessen my load.
In good/other news--I found the conference I attended to be well worth the time and cost. It served as professional rejuvenation, in a sense. I was starting to feel bogged down and as if I may be wasting my time...starting to question whether I could really make the change that I wanted post graduation or if it was all just wishful thinking. This conference suggested multiple times that the type of change I want to have a hand in is not only exactly the type of change that needs to be occurring in the next couple years, but also that it is likely to be one of the main directions of my chosen profession. I left the conference feeling validated and invigorated--ready to take on more research and wade through the mass of assignments I have due in the next month or so. The push for actively advocating instead of pontificating on advocacy theory is precisely my long term goal. This is what I am driven to do, to advocate for change in how difficult youth are viewed and treated in larger organizational/institutional settings--to push for more understanding, more focus on the importance of relationship in empathy and resiliency building. Additionally, I felt heard. I felt that my opinion, as inexperienced as it may be at a professional gathering, mattered and had worth and MEANT something. It validated my belief that this is the career path for me, that my research interests (such as in my poster presentation on the importance of addressing attachment theory in practicum and internship training) align with some of those who are already in the field, that I am able to answer complex questions regarding my areas of interest and ADD to the conversation, not just take from it. I am starting to feel a sense of belonging that I never quite felt in any of my prior professional/schooling experiences and it makes me that much more motivated and driven.
As for the family side of things...I can't even put into words how amazing it was to watch my girls running around on a nearly empty beach in the late afternoon sunshine. Each of them ran with pure elation and abandonment, gleefully screaming, as they chased birds, the water, and one another. Pure joy is not something we see very often, but when we do, it is so contagious. I literally could have sat there for hours soaking in their laughter, bright smiles, and little awkward running gaits. I can't remember the last time I felt that kind of joy, of hope, of freedom from anything worrisome or dark. I am so very grateful to have the opportunity to live vicariously through them, to be reminded of the wonder of nature, sand, sun, and the sea, to be filled with the feel of reckless abandon that comes with sprinting down the beach, laughing out loud, and kicking up sand and water, to be privy to the loving and breathless embraces and "this is the best time ever's" I would receive in between bird and wave chasing, and to witness the love and tenderness they showed one another as they wove between each other and carefully picked one another up if they happened to stumble.
Not often does an individual get a chance to be reminded of the importance of two of their major life roles in the same week--not like this. I feel blessed to attempt to maintain this balance and to find joy and purpose in both ends.
Where have you found a sense of purpose? of joy? Do you believe the two often occur together or are they completely separate from one another for you? Please feel free to share you thoughts or experiences--I want to learn from all of you!
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