Since last week, I have been mulling over one of the questions I asked you all at the end of last week's blog. Are teaching values and teaching respect for others often at odds in today's society? How does one instill a set of values in their children while also teaching them to respect and, yes, even value, individual's who values may be at odd with the core set of values you would like your child to hold dear.
This concept is difficult for many adults, and has played itself out multiple times over the past few years within my (soon to be) profession. Individual's, both as students and as professionals, have refused to counsel client's based on the client's sexual orientation. This refusal stemmed from the counselor's belief that homosexuality was wrong, a sin, against the Bible, etc. I have also heard many individuals in my training programs proclaim that they "could never work with a sex offender who has offended young children" or with "a murderer who shows no regret." These proclamations are made based on an individual's strong belief and value system, a strong belief that sexually assaulting small children or taking another person's life without any emotional distress is wrong.
It is my position that it is okay...no, not okay...it is necessary to have a set of values; to have a belief that things are 'right' and 'wrong', to have that gut feeling that what you are seeing/hearing/doing goes against who and what you are. I want my children to have a set of values that is bound to their core, that makes them who and what they are. BUT, I don't want that set of value to inhibit their ability to see the humanity in others, to feel compassion for individuals with different sets of values, to be remain open-minded about others intentions, beliefs, and actions.
The issue is, in today's world, there seems to be a polarization of these two belief systems...either you have a set of world views/beliefs/and values and only those individuals with the same values are worthy of respect and dignity OR you respect everyone's individualization, differing values, and are unable to grab onto your own value system because it might *gasp* contradict someone else's. NEITHER of these are okay with me, for myself, for my children, or for my profession.
There is nothing wrong with believing that sexual assault is wrong or that you would never stay with an abusive partner. There is certainly nothing wrong with teaching your child that sexual assault shouldn't happen or to stand up for him/her self and the signs of abusive relationships. The problem occurs when you begin to provide an "us vs. them" or "black and white" worldview...because that is not the world we live in. It's never black and white, nor should it be "Bible beating" vs. "complacent."
This is taught to a certain degree in our training program, in which you are encouraged to identify your "biases"--though I take issue with that word, because often one's values fall into that category and I would never go so far as to call all values biases. The thought is, if you are able to identify your world view, your buttons, your beliefs, you can better meet with and effectively work with clients who differ in world views, push your buttons, or spit on your beliefs. You don't have to like them, you don't have to agree with them, and you don't have to change your beliefs to work with them--you just need to understand where they are coming from and show them a little bit of dignity and respect.
It is my hope that I am able to instill this view and ability in my daughters, while also raising them with a core value system, through both conscious modeling and my everyday interactions and work.
Where do you fall on this continuum? Do you find it hard to balance your core beliefs with the idea of coexisting or respect for all? Have you found yourself loosing hold of your core values while trying to maintain respect for all in this day and age of political correctness? Do you ever feel guilty or wrong for holding on to certain values or beliefs? How do you interact with people who value things you don't believe in? How do you feel with others attack your core values or beliefs?
This is a very thought provoking post, but I agree with you that this world has become very cut and dry, and black and white about this topic which is why it is so hard to maintain your values and continue to respect those with varying values. Right now I have my own core values but to me if someone else is different and their values vary from me that's their choice. I respect their values and decisions as I would hope they would respect mine. However I am not in a position where I have to vocalize my opinions or values on a day to day basis with others. I guess I chose a good career that keeps that part of my life separate. I can only imagine how difficult it is going to be instilling values in the girls, and teach them to respect others values and opinions (I honestly have no idea how I will cross that bridge when Cole and I decide to have children), because it is hard to keep it from seeming cut and dry.
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