Something I find myself wondering as an individual, a mother, and a professional is when is it that life or society begins to really squeeze or pressure children to "become" something. What can parents do to halt, or limit, it? When did I, as an individual, loose pieces of me that I wanted to keep? What can I do as a professional to help teens and/or adults reclaim pieces of themselves or children maintain that sense of wonder or innocence, or spark of joy, for as long as possible? Why is it that we, us grownups, are blase about the loss of this joy and wonder in our own lives? Are we...let me rephrase that...am I...really that jaded? How can I expect my daughters to maintain it if I can't hold onto it myself?
I love that my eldest runs into the room in a princess dress with a blanket cape and announces she is "Spiderman Princess Superhero" for the day and doesn't expect to be questioned about how those three fit together. I love how my middle girl stubbornly insists she is a big girl when climbing the steps, refusing to hold an adults hand, but will cry for a bottle at nap time. I dread the day when logic starts to play a defining role in how they view the world. Granted, I want them to be able to navigate the world successfully...and that does require logical thinking...but I don't want them to lose the ability to make quick judgments based on feelings--to be led by their hearts to choose the harder or less traveled path--because it feels right. I want them to believe they can be "Dancer Academic Rugby Player" or the teenage girl that still wants to hold her Daddy's hand--though these don't seem logical or "normal" in today's society--I want my girls to know its possible. It is possible to be a strong young lady while also still being polite, it's possible to speak your mind without belittling others, it's possible to tackle the struggles in life while still being awed by the blessings. It is possible to be so incredibly stressed by the everyday while still maintaining a joy in your place and your position in your family, your world, your life. I want my girls to remember this and I want myself to remember this. I may not be naive and innocent, but I can still find joy in the smile of my youngest and the incessant questioning/snuggling combo perfected at five a.m. by my just awoken oldest. I can still find wonder in my middle girl's eyes as she touches my ever growing stomach and declares it is her baby, while I also feel the slightest movements of the life growing within me. My life is filled with awe-inspiring and joy-sparking moments--I just need to be open and aware of them. I need to stop falling into the "stressed grad student/mom routine" societal norms and play into my "Mommy Investigator Life-Savorer-and-Changer" role as complex and illogical as that may seem at times.
Yes, these roles countradict and yes, it is often impossible to be all of these at once...BUT, I'd rather be a sometimes failure in this new definition than a perfect example of the " Stressed and Tired Mom and Grad Student." I refuse to view myself in that way. I refuse to expect nothing more out of myself than mediocre, tired, and stressed parenting and academic pursuits. And, I want more than anything in the world, my girls to grow up to define themselves, to choose how they view themselves, to not let others define them and the importance of their various traits to themselves and the world. I want them to be willing to hold seemingly contradictory strengths and traits and to see the value in using both to define themselves and their roles in the world. I want to support this, grow it, encourage it. I hope to provide a model, an inspiration to them. To show that perseverance, flexibility, passion are all important pieces to showing love for oneself and appreciation for one's own strengths and abilities--regardless of how others view those traits.
I challenge you to embrace the many parts of yourself that you hold dear and dare to be them all at the same time--dare to be illogical. Dare to find the joy underlying your stress, the awe underlying your frustrations and dare to embrace those while letting the stress and frustration fall into a lesser role in your life.
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