As most of you likely already know....baby Poklar number 4 is a boy. Yep, it's true...believe me, I made the ultrasound technician show me his little baby penis multiple times before I would actually believe it. Also, as most of you probably know...this was exactly what I thought I wanted...a boy--the chance to raise at least one boy. But, if I am being honest...I didn't experience euphoria upon seeing that little penis and hearing the baby called "him" throughout the ultrasound, but instead, I felt a rising tide of panic and uncertainty.
Remember, I have had almost four years now to agonize over how to raise a girl in today's world....in addition to my own personal experience of being a female. I have NO clue what it means to be a boy in today's world...or really, to be a boy, period. To be honest, I don't really know what to do with a boy--and I don't mean the whole love them and feed them and meet their needs things--I mean I don't know what I picture a grown man in our 20 years in the future society looking like. I don't know what to prepare him for, what traits to cultivate in his early years and which to try to temper.
With my girls I know I want to raise them to be strong and independent, to capitalize on their intelligence and talents. I know that I want that strength and independence to be tempered with a sense of justice and true caring for others. I want them to have strong minds and soft hearts, to stand for what's right and speak out against the wrong. I want them to have a strong sense of purpose and direction but the ability to questions themselves and their actions without falling to pieces. I want them to openly love and laugh and live life fully--capable of protecting themselves, one another, and others from the world but not becoming hardened by it. I KNOW--BIG hopes and dreams...but they are there...there is a clear way I want my girls to view the world and their place in it.
However, I'm not sure this same type of placement makes sense for raising a boy--in an ideal society, yes...in today's...I don't know. I fear encouraging too much softness or tempering too much strength. I worry that in today's world there is so much push for young boys to be raised without being told to "man up" or "be a man" BUT then grown men are expected to do just that. It seems that society sends mixed messages through media--both fictional and news coverage--regarding the role of a man in relationships. I want my son to have strong and healthy relationships outside of the family, particularly as he reaches adolescence and young adulthood--but I don't really know what that ideal looks like from a male perspective and I fear girls of his generation will have biased and conflicting expectations based on society's suggestions. I know I ideally want him to be much like what I described my girls...but I don't know how to get him there OR if that world view will make him an outsider, someone unable to connect with those around him in a meaningful way.
I guess I have another four years or so to try to figure it out before I am "behind" on raising him.
What are your thoughts? What do you think it takes to "make" it in today's world? Is it different for boys and girls/men and women? What may we be losing when we attempt to either encourage or temper one trait or another? How do you raise a boy to be both successful in the working world and in the realm of family and close relationships? a girl? Is equal always the same?
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